dogtimes news.

i met two different dogs last night. one was a blind caramelishery coloured husky. instead of her eyes glinting green or something in the dark, it was a milky gross colour! but a nice dog. her dogfriend was another dog, a german shep-lard born with her back legs paralized forever! she must have been a real badnasty rat in her last life or something, probz spread mad plagues. but she had a wheelie harness! DOGONWHEELS! and i touched her gimpy little back legs. they were skinny and flopped around and i was like, "well these are sure a coupla useless old things."

in chicago, where water's real expensive and they put nacholiquidcheezefoods on everything! OR RANCH.

red hash.

i came home and side three of beach house's teen dream was in the record player. on the record player? in sexual love with the record player.
jensen and i learned real good lots of things about it when we went to target hi-fi for a new needle. how to balance the arm, how it works, why our technics sl-1900 is a machine from the swamplusted heavens.
it's real old, like.
i came home and cecil was comfortably asleep on the sofa. i'm a megagaylord, but basically my life barometer is the happiness of our cat.
i miss denice and it's a warmgoodmiss. she's picking magic from gooseberry bushes far east of here, and jensen and i are biking down real big hills at one in the morning, and dave's talking magic near the river. magic i saw stream down a bearded face.
me and my antique birdlady. we won't ever die.

i was thinking i'll grow my eyebrows out. then i remembered i'm in a wedding pretty soon. you know?
so i'll listen to side three of teen dream while the tomatoes i bought from a farmer named rick, roast.

a movie review: alice in wonderland

I went to the variety store on Adelaide and Central because it was forty-one degrees and I wanted a chocolate and peanut covered ice cream cone thing and ended up renting this dumb piece of crap movie for one dollar and nineteen cents.

The aisles are narrow and this gigantic guy was blocking off the Doritos so I absently scanned over the movies selection. Because I also wanted Doritos. It occurred to me that watching a movie might be totally fun and awesome, but standing before the rack of DVDs was like an extended version of my four-second early morning stupor wherein I held deodorant in one hand and my toothbrush in the other and I wasn’t sure which to stick in my mouth. A dazed, wow-what-a-terrible-selection, stasis.

I mulled over The Decent II but opted out when the Doritos blocking guy finally got the hell out of the way and I realized I was mulling over the Decent II.

As I was paying for the Drumstick and Cool Ranch Doritos I saw that Alice in Wonderland was on the counter, having just been returned that very minute. Didn’t I want to see that when it was in theatres? Didn’t I get all bummed out and bitchy when I found out my friends saw it without me? Might it not be totally fun and awesome to watch Alice in Wonderland tonight? So I rented the piece of shit.

That night I got super drunk at the Black Shire with my boyfriend, and when we got home I made a we’re-drunk-and-will-eat-anything-smashed-together-with-anything-right-now breakfast type meal. First I simmered some asparagus to soften it up a bit, drained out the water, and sautéed it in butter with sliced creminis, shallots, and garlic with fresh dill and some cumin, salt and pepper. And probably accidentally pot ash. I whipped up some eggs with a bit of cream and sloshed that in the pan, adding some old white cheddar and romano while we toasted some of the roasted garlic bread my boyfriend made a couple days earlier. Too bad I basically hurled it all up after one second of Alice in Wonderland.

I didn’t really.

So then I was like, “Holy crap! We should watch Alice in Wonderland while we eat this! Holy shit!” So I stuck it in my laptop at the end of our bed, where all great film is viewed in our apartment.

As soon as the music began playing I started smashing my head in.
“Is this seriously the music? Wasn’t this exact score used in Edward Scissor Hands and Nightmare Before Christmas and Batman Returns except way better then because I wasn’t effing sick as hell of it?”

Then something happens that I don’t remember. She had to marry some gross dude or something. I was pretty distracted by her lame pale-face make-up. Then the rabbit appears, and I was like, “What the shit? That’s the rabbit? That dumb stupid thing?” because it looked beyond fake and into embarrassing.

The omelette was really, really good. Then she falls down the ultra-terrible computer generated hole and enters the ultra-terrible computer generated “wonderland” and we turned it off after ten minutes of this chick in front of a blue screen doing shit I didn’t care about.

I vaguely remember thinking Johnny Depp looked like Ronald McDonald and a crack addicted lobster made a mistake-baby.

All in all a good day, though. Drumstick, Doritos, beer, omelette. Alice in Wonderland, though, is basically stupidest movie alive. FYI.

that teeny tiny little dog.

i saw wolf parade last night and their new musicsongs were ridiculously h'amazing. plus i drove in a real car that i have for a week now that mom's off to visit my bro in vancougar! do i have to work everyday? i don't even know! but school's done forever after my class today -- which will take place at the grad club around pitchers of beer. oh, plus i have an exam to write apparently. what is this science class i am in.

SPRINGVENTURES. SOON. last night was something of a springventure: getting gas in kitchener!! PARALLEL PARKING! completely missing the opening band! singing along to paul simon real loud!
luke's birthday was fantastictimes, just don't ask me to prove it because i did not take-a-photo. i spilled one of his beers then it volcano'd out the top.

here's that flower.
i was hanging out in a rail yard or something? and met an old dude who is a train and ship photographer, named john. i was killing time before visiting the apartment i'm moving into with my dang sweetheart. hflhaew;oufjxalCOOKINGANDLISTENINGTORECORDS

and we shall eat a sandwich each day.

tobermory story.

i saw the water bleed blue. it was cold cold cold like a basement you never went into.
i saw the water construct a body, and smash itself like a bomb filled with confetti. a lighthouse gazed on, as dumb as it was tall.
i saw the water bleed blue.

mister haney's diner reminder.

two-toned tea brunch!

getting your fries to go is never ever a good idea. it is never ever a good idea because you'll get home and put them on the counter and two hours later those fries are dried out where not eerily soggy, tepid, and of a sibling texture to long forgotten cardboard in the basement. but my god, good friends, that will not stop you from eating until nothing remains in the cheap styrofoam casket but a slick sheen and a few granules of iodized salt.

father sky and cedar.

dear cali, oh hi: life isn't a challenge to see how much food you can consume in a day, everyday. jesus christ.
today denice and i fed ducks but mostly geese and denice called them "fat assholes," and i laughed a lot at that.
at work i discussed, at great length, the hilarious and traumatizing aftermath of accidentally purchasing 'AM instead of HAM. what is 'am? was it once ham? a variation? twice boiled ham? ham from a hamsack? clams in clamshackles?
no it's brainmeat. we toyed with the idea of it being pressed and molded into the shape of a radio with functional knobs and antennae.

bedroom dancingg YYAY!!